Monday, December 8, 2008

Ho Ho Ho

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

6 Things

I'm supposed to do this silly tag thing the Tim sent me. Here it is. Six things I detest...I mean like:

1) The Mistress- She loves me the most. Actually, she is the only one who really loves me. She is that way.

2) Beth Anne- She almost loves me as much as the Mistress. Although, she loves that stupid Molly more.

4) Food- Dinner, breakfast, dog food, people food, bird food. It's all good.

3) Treats- Love me some treats!!! Woo Hoo! Any kind will do.

5) A warm blankie- I really like blankies and pillows. I have thin fur, unlike the Retrievers, who shed multiple lbs. of hair everyday.

6) Riding- I enjoy the car, especially when I get to scare the crap out of unsuspecting drive thru bank tellers.

7) The Tim- I'll add that in for good measure and brownie points. He might give me a Cheez-it.

I am now suppose to tag other bloggers, but I'm a dog and don't know any other bloggers. Even if I did, I wouldn't like them.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Lucky Dog

Damn! I always wanted to catch one of these!

Beth Anne sent this picture to my Mistress. The lucky dog's name is Jake and he lives in Georgia.

The retrievers living in my house could never do this! Mocha only wants to lay about on a fluffy dog bed in the Mistress' bedroom all day and could care less about squirrels. Reilly, on the other hand, has the desire, but is too stupid. The squirrels get away before he has a chance to get close enough with all the obnoxiously loud barking he does as he charges down the hill.

I am fast enough, but my problem is Reilly. He is generally outside with me, therefore, his barking makes it difficult to sneak up on a squirrel.

Que sera.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

This and That

I've had virtually no computer time of late as many events have happened around here and time has escaped me.

In October, the humans made a complete fool of my buddy Reilly by dressing him in a ridiculous costume and parading him through the downtown streets. If this wasn't enough, they allowed evidence of this mockery to be recorded in the local newspaper. To their credit however, they did so in order to raise funds for the Roanoke Valley SPCA.

I'm just glad it wasn't me. For if it had been, someone would have surely been bitten!

The latter part of month saw the Mistress dumping me off at camp and yet again driving to Georgia, where she remained for several days. Returning in time to vote, she and the Tim seemed genuinely pleased with the results of the election. I on the other hand saw some redeeming qualities in the other party's candidates ... primarily Moose Chili. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Of late, the internet connection and home networking system has made the Mistress very cranky. The humans switched their ISP and havoc has reigned ever since. The Tim refuses to get involved in the seemingly futile pursuit of a resolution, which only leaves the Mistress to deal with the NOT-so-helpful-out-sourced "tech support" personnel. On those rare occasions when she is actually able to speak to a live person, she ends up hanging up the phone and muttering something unprintable about aliens.

Since the Tim has been all but invisible lately due to his job taking on the characteristics of a Soviet Gulag, his frustration level with this current electronic malady has been minimal. This is largely due to the fact he still has access to the internet on the Mistress' computer when he makes an occassional appearance at home.

Thanksgiving is around the corner and no doubt I am sure to be carted away to my home away from home. All the while that dumb Molly will be stinking up my place. Hopefully, the Mistress will save me some turkey and maybe Beth Anne will visit me at camp ... or not.

And speaking of birds, soon after Sugar passed away, one of the birds croaked! Not that I care. The Tim, Reilly, and I hate 'em!
Pets are dropping like flies around this place. Creepy!

As I said before, c'est la vie.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Better Future, Better World

The Mistress of the house is walking on air.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Wear Pink

G.G. had surgery yesterday. She is doing well.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Godspeed, Morgan

Uncle Morgan has left for Iraq via Kuwait.
We all will miss him.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Uga VII !

The almost 3 year old "Loran's Best" made his debut at the opening game of the season on Saturday. Looks like a "Damn Good Dog"!

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Sugar Is Gone...

They took her away...

she did not come back...

they were sad...

somehow I knew...

she had returned to her youth...

her eyesight restored...

now chasing squirrels and birds...

maybe an occasional jogger...

forever a mischievous little dog...

knocking over trashcans...

stealing food...

or another little girl's favorite stuffed animal...

Sugar is gone...

never to return.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Exactly What Are Her Priorities?

It takes a looooong time to string a 36" strand of opera length Akoya pearls.

I ought to know. I, along with the Retrievers and Creepy, had to wait an unacceptable amount of time just to get our breakfast!

Some "rush" job for a local jewelry store took precedence over our stomachs.

I tried to feed myself, but was too short to reach the treat jar. Not to mention (again) the apparent lack of opposable thumbs.

Even Max was squawking and banging a tiny tin cup against the bars of his cage!

That's the thing about Humans...always caught up with trivial and material things, such as crap from an oyster! Geesh! We dogs would not be caught dead with such useless adornment (unless you are unfortunate enough to belong to Paris or Britney)!

A good roll in some carrion or poop is all any respectable dog needs!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Other Orts

So it seems Stupid Mollie is surviving her razor situation. Things are starting to "appear". Must be the bran.

Reilly and Mocha stink and need a bath. My Mistress is hoping the Tim will do this task over the weekend, since she has taken on the job of painting shutters. She is painting them because the Tim has issues with ladders. I should not mention the time he got stuck on the garage roof but, I will.

Uncle Morgan gave the Mistress an idea to keep Creepy's crate door open and it works very well. Now when she is blindly bumping into things, she can't bang her door shut. Poor Creepy. Her days are numbered...after all, she's about 125 in human years!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

"Molly" by Zoe

Whatcha Gonna Do Now, Thunder?

Molly has got to be the dumbest dog in the to Reilly (the only Retriever in the world who cannot catch). This morning she ate a razor or at least part of a razor...the part with the blades in it!

Now she is spending her time being prudently watched and fed bran in hopes that she passes the razor with no damage to her insides.

She was xrayed at Shoal Creek Animal Clinic (where Beth Anne works) and suspicious shapes and shadows not normally seen in a dog's digestive track were found. I sincerely hope (and as hateful as I am, I do mean this) she does not have to have emergency surgery.

The Doctors should have xrayed her brain.

They most likely would have discovered it to be the size of pea and her IQ to be on the level of an ordinary earthworm!

Poor dumb Molly!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Birthday Dessert

Birthdays around here are rarely celebrated with traditional birthday cakes. The Tim and Beth Anne both are partial to cheesecakes and/or Tiramisu. And sometimes they get both! Us dogs get homemade dog treats with cheese and tuna for our birthdays. Yum! The Tim doesn't like the smell of those, but then he doesn't appreciate other odors that I find quite appealing.

Thursday was The Tim's birthday and since he and The Mistress were going out to celebrate with other humans (people they refer to as their Wine-Dinner Club), The Mistress delayed making the desserts until today so they could be enjoyed at this evening's cookout. A cookout at Pam and Austin's, which I might add, I do not get to attend. They have two lard-assed Golden Retrievers and do not invite other dogs. (If they didn't have dogs, I don't think Austin would invite me because of that over blown biting incident a couple of years ago.)

The first dessert she made, a favorite here, is a Key Lime Cheesecake with Strawberry Sauce. The Tim was not around to see, so I got to lick the spatula! Then she fixed the Tiramisu, which in Italian means "pick me up" or loosely translated as "make me less sad/happier". Yeah, I'll say it makes him happy. I will never get a bite because The Tim will hunker down over his plate, moaning and groaning in a disgusting display of gluttony sucking up every last bit like a turbo-powered Hoover!

And they call me the beast!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Happy Birthday to Tim!

Happy Birthday Tim!

With Love, Hugs, Kisses, & Licks from

Beth, Beth Anne, and the zoo:

Mocha, Reilly, Zoe, Sugar, Molly, and all the Birds!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008


Uga V's Whatchagot Loran, better known to the world as Uga VI, was laid to rest today at 3 p.m. in Sanford Stadium.

Like his five predecessors, all pure white bulldogs, Uga VI will be interred in the specially-built marble vault built just inside the South main gate of the stadium. UGA is the only school that buries its mascots within the confines of their stadium.

The identity of the dog that shall become Uga VII remains a closely guarded secret.

They should consider a female, German Pinscher for the next mascot. Like me!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

In Memory of a Damn Good Dog

Uga VI, who has served as the University of Georgia mascot since 1999, died Friday night from heart failure.

Our condolences to the Seiler family and the entire Bulldog Nation.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Life Is Good

Anniversaries are some human thing I don't understand. What I do understand is the "doggy bag" from The Library has some yummy leftovers in it for me .... and (if I have to share) those other mutts living here as well. They brought home a bottle of bubbly stuff too, but it's not to be consumed by canines.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Another Tag

I've been tagged - not the little metal thingie I'm forced to wear on my collar to satisfy Big Brother's need to dominate - (just let me get close to his leg - I'll show him how to dominate!)

No - The Tim (one of my humans) insists I play his silly game so here goes:

Here are the stupid rules - everytime I turn around, there's some new rule I have to abide by; Don't pee on the carpet; Don't bite humans who visit the house; Don't eat a plant if its in one of those pot thingies - Geesh, give me a break!

Copy the rules (or your version of them) and the set of questions onto your blog post, provide your own answers and then tag 5 new people - or in my case 3 dogs. If tagged, you’ll find your name at the end of this post. To be sure everyone tagged knows they’ve been invited to play, go to their blogs and leave them a comment notifying and referring them to your blog for details. Lastly, according to my tagger The Tim, once the chosen have answered the questions on their own blog, they should come back to yours to tell you.

Here are my responses.

1. How would you describe your running 10 years ago?

In dog years or human years? If we're referring to human years, I'm only 3. In dog years 21 to 31 depending on which dog whisperer you subscribe to. Regardless of which age calculation you choose, the answer is the same: I've been running one way my entire life - FAST!

Mostly I chase Reilly through the yard and when I catch him, I bite him! That's right, I clamp down on those big floppy Golden Retriever ears and don't let go until he says Arf (thats Uncle to you humans).

He is 6 years old (human years) and this keeps him in shape so he doesn't turn into a lard butt Retriever.

2. What is your best and worst run / race experience?

Best: Getting out of the fenced in yard.

Worst: Getting caught.

3. Why do you run?

As mentioned above, to bite Reilly ... er ... I mean to help keep Reilly from turning into the Pillsbury Dough Dog. Also to chase squirrels, the most indecisive rodents on the planet and to avoid the human ritualistic torture known as a bath.

4. What is the best or worst piece of advice you’ve been given about running?

Best: Don't give Reilly too much of a head start.

Worst: You'll like the Vet's office!

5. Tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.

I speak Latin: Mordere Ergo Sum - I bite therefore I am.

(I bet The Tim didn't know that!)

Fellow Tag Wearers:

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Arriving In Atlanta Today

BA arrives in the States today via Atlanta. We all look forward to seeing her and hearing all about Costa Rica on Friday when she drives to Roanoke for the weekend.

Everyone except me....I have to go to stupid camp. Mollie is coming here!

Stupid Mollie!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Random Emails With Beth Anne (UGA Campus/Costa Rica)

May 28
Jessica was here for dinner and we tried to call before your lecture....the phone was busy and we tried again before she left...about 10:40 (our time) but you had already gone to the cabina. I talked to Jordan who said it would take 10-15 min. just to walk to the cabina to get you!!!! That’s a long walk from the Student Union. I told him that Jess and I would email you and set up another time to call. Jessica has the number, so she may try on her own.
Miss you!!!!!!!!
Love, Mom

May 29
Hey Mom,
Jordan came back and told me you had called and I was pretty disappointed. Our electricity went out last night & is still out ... it pretty much rained all day yesterday, all night & it’s pouring right now. Luckily the electricity is only out in the cabinas…I think. We are eating breakfast soon and then heading out to that other lodge for the night ... it's going to be WET, WET, WET! & we are all going to be so grungy by morning. We went on a tour of a coffee plant yesterday ... they also made sugar there - I got to gnaw on sugar cane ... pretty interesting. I got you something really cute there for one of our Christmas trees -- it's handmade too :) Our waterfall hike got canceled though because it was too dangerous with all the rain ...
Well, I miss you and yeah, we should set up another time to call. Maybe Saturday or Sunday sometime. We are trying to finish our group projects in our free time.
Love you & miss you lots.

May 30
So, San Gerardo was a little crazy ... the hike was hard. It took an hour and half to hike to it -- & lemme tell you it was all downhill & in the pouring rain. The whole time I couldn't stop thinking about how we would have to hike UP it the next day. The lodge was really rustic and the view from our rooms and porch was the Arenal volcano which was so awesome to see again! However, the people who run the place turn all the lights off at nine and last night the guy said he would probably keep it on later, but I guess he changed his mind because he gave us a 5 minute warning & just like that, everything went out. We sat by candlelight from that point on ... watched moths burn to death. I don't know why they like light so much -- never have researched that actually -- do you know?
We got back today late afternoon. I finally tracked down a phone card so I could talk to Dad and wish him a happy birthday. Luckily, I got a hold of him after a couple tries -- forgot he was going to the Bahamas. He answered his cell phone ... bet he's racking up nice phone bill down there -- you know he's using it all the time of course. I wanted to call you, but the phone card only had seven minutes on it ... the guy who gave it to me said he thought he had 15 minutes or so, but apparently not. Oh well. I don't feel so bad using it now.
Anyways, I think you should try to get on gmail 10 PM your time. I'll try my best to get on the computer then, but it's a happening place & you know it takes people forever to do anything on these computers.
Well, love you and can't wait to talk to you on the phone & catch up. I'll see you in a week! :)

May 30
Darn.I was hoping you might be around ... called you tonight. Left a voicemail on your cell then called Grandma's & talked to John and her.
Hopefully I will hear from you tomorrow.
Love you.

May 31
Sorry, I missed your call. Tim and I were at Greenhill Park for Relay for Life Walk and I left my cell in the car. Got your v.m. and then we went to Grandma's. John said you called there. I know Mom was thrilled to hear from you.
We are going to be at Pam's tomorrow night for another Morgan farewell dinner. I will try to call you again tomorrow. I haven't looked at your schedule to see what you are doing on Sat. but try to pick a time that I can call.
Love you and miss you, Mom

May 31
Okay, so I'm just sitting around working on some drawings for our brochure ... I've been on gmail for awhile hoping you'd somehow get on ... maybe you are at work. Anyways, I'll try back around 5 my time if the computer is available. Hopefully you will be around.

June 1
We went to Pam and Austin's at 6:30 PM (our time). That was when you were on the computer. Sorry. Remember the 2 hr. diff. We did not get home until 11.
I will pretty much be home all day today. I want to call you.....what if I call you around lunchtime...say 12:30. I noticed you have free time at 1:00.

June 1
We have our group projects due at 2:30 ... I will be around, but cannot guarantee that I can talk that long. If you get this anytime soon, call now.

(Success with the phone call)

June 2
Hey. Sorry I never got a chance to get on the computer yesterday ... presentations went well. It's really weird that today is my last day here. Bittersweet really. Anyway, I feel pretty bad right now. My back is hurting so much ... I think it's because of the s***** bed I slept on ... hard as a rock. I'm about to go see how I respond to breakfast ... I'm sure I'll be fine. Anyways, San Jose has good computers so I will email you later.

Love you lots.
Don't get too lonely with Tim gone!

June 2
Let me know when you get to San Jose. Can't believe you've already been gone 3 wks! Xoxo Mom

June 2
In San Jose. Just got settled into the hotel. I will check in later. We are going downtown.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

More News From Beth Anne-Day 12

Sorry it has been awhile since you last heard from me. We were in a place called La Ensenada the past three nights. I'm now in Monteverde sitting downtown, killing time in some internet cafe. The weather here is much cooler which is a good thing … LESS BUGS = LESS BUG BITES! I'm covered in them. We are only here for one night and then heading to the UGA campus in San Luis tomorrow afternoon. We will be back in Monteverde next week for zip lining in the canopies! I can't wait for that!!

Anyways, La Ensenada ended up being the anti-climatic part of our trip. It was very isolated which was sometimes nice, but got old after awhile. My alarm clock was not needed, because instead I was awakened by howler monkeys at 5 AM every morning. It was pretty annoying, but hilarious at the same time to think that it was monkeys waking me up, not birds/dogs/other things you might hear in the States. There was this ridiculous blue jay that decided to join in this morning ... right outside our cabin doors. He is also the same bird, along with a couple others that would sit and watch as we ate breakfast and lunch everyday waiting to see what sort of food they could steal. I heard today that one morning, one of the jays dived for some butter on the table -- yuck! I normally threw some of my toast, but today I was irritated at them for adding to the ruckus. They are huge blue jays too!

We touched a howler yesterday ... it was a young female, probably no older than 8 months or so ... she was swinging around in the trees reaching out to us. Not too much touching though, don't worry …and NO, I didn't smile at her and show my teeth. Ha! (For those of you who don't know, monkeys can find that threatening). We said goodbye to her this morning ... she was biting chunks of mango and then spitting them out.

Most of our time in the past three days was spent doing some hikes around the area and then several boat tours. Nothing too new to see, but we did finally see a bunch of crocodiles. As I implied earlier, bugs were a big issue there. The first cabin that Erin and I were assigned to was infested with these nasty ant-like bugs that fly ... there were hundreds buzzing around in the bathroom window. At night we kept as few lights on as possible. It rained the past two nights… A LOT. Rainy season here is really beginning to start. Not a bad thing though. Cools down everything and provides a nice break from the bugs.

I realized earlier that I eat these three things it least once/twice a day here:

1. eggs
2. tomatoes
3. rice and beans

You know, I worried about the food, but we eat great here! Who knows I may have even gained weight, but let's hope all the hiking and other running around works it off. I'm not a big Costa Rica dessert fan though. Flan just isn't my thing ... tres leches is good though.

Well, I miss you all, but can't believe I only have 9 days left! This trip has been amazing.

You will most likely hear from me within the next couple of days.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Update From Beth Anne

Beth Anne called last night (finally...after days of no internet access) from this resort .

The human who owns it is from Tallahassee, FL and let the group make free calls to the States. My Mistress was so elated to hear from her. She is suffering from separation withdrawal. Even though Beth Anne lives in GA, she still calls her mother daily and for the Mistress not to hear her voice for a week is unsettling.

She hasn't gotten stung by scorpions, bitten by snakes or monkeys, sunburned, or sick. She said the food is pretty good and she is eating a lot of tomatoes ... but said nothing of how the birds taste. (Of course, that's what I'm interested in ... squab, fowl, dark meat, white meat.)

Beth Anne has seen every animal and bird imaginable in Costa Rica and has taken hundreds of pictures. Today, they are hiking at the waterfall and volcano.

Tomorrow they leave Arenal for Ensenada and will be there through the 24th. The hotel/lodge probably does not have internet access so the Mistress will have no communication again. (She may have to borrow my Chinese herbs.)

During their stay in Ensenada the group will go on a boat tour of Isla de Pajaros (Bird Island). Sounds like a smorgasbord to me!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Friday, May 16, 2008

A Note From Beth Anne-Day 3

So, today was one of the best days of my life.

First off, we are still at the La Selva Biological Station and actually we are isolated, but not without internet like we were told to expect. I have waited to send updates though so I could send a better email.

Yesterday, when we first arrived we ate lunch and then walked around a bit, had an orientation type of thing. Had some free time afterwards before dinner so we walked along a trail with our guide (one who will stay with us through most of the trip) ... we were not joined by actual guides who work here until today. Anyways, the trail was paved and we saw some birds, but nothing too exciting. Basically La Selva has a feel like 4-H Camp only in the jungle. We have been staying in a lodge with rooms that hold up to 6 people each - 3 sets of bunk beds. No one knows what humidity is until they have been here.

The rooms are hotter than outside sometimes ... you may shower, but you only feel clean for so long. All we do is sweat. However, they save all the air conditioning for the computer room and I am actually beginning to get chilly after being out in the heat all day. Anyways, after dinner last night we went on a night hike. Basically saw bugs and big frogs. Looked for crocodiles and owls, but were unsuccessful.

Today is where the real fun began ... We were up and outside by 5:45 AM for a morning bird hike/watch. It was okay at first, but by 7:00 we were all pretty hungry and kept seeing the same birds. We did not eat until 8 and then had down time pretty much until 1:30ish. Got some good hanging out and reading time in. We split up into two groups for the afternoon hike and my group ended up going on a 2 hour hike all over the forest. Saw poison dart frogs, a really awesome stick bug, the craziest looking spider, pecarries (think pig), more birds including but not limited to red lored amazon parrots, white crowned amazon parrots, parrokeets, keel billed toucans, chestnut mandibled toucans, orioles, woodpeckers, etc. Also, saw a cool snake and some bats!

But, here is the greatest part -- MONKEYS! Capuchin monkeys and then howler monkeys!! I kid you not I stood 5 feet away from a howler monkey at one point. One was on this bridge that we have to walk back on to get to the lodge ... he walked along with us! It was absolutely amazing. I cannot wait to show you all pictures (if you are interested)!

Well, enough excited rambling. I am in complete awe and so satisfied with my day. I better go though. Dinner is at 6 and I need to start walking towards the dining hall before it gets too dark! By the way, we leave tomorrow at 6:30 AM for Tortuguero. This is apparently where we are supposed to be headed to which believe me, looks a lot different from here!

Love to you all!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Home Again

After what has seemed like an eternity, my Mistress finally drags into camp today at 3 pm to retrieve me.

She was scheduled to pick me up Tuesday evening, but apparently spent more time than planned debating the amount of hair products Beth Anne would need in a rainforest and driving around the state of Georgia longer that anticipated.

The purpose of this trip was to assist in packing the much needed hair products and escorting Beth Anne to the Atlanta airport for her flight to some kennel called Costa Rica where she will be studying birds of all things.

Maybe she will bring me a souvenir ... a tasty one with feathers.

I can excuse the fact she did not pick me up on Tuesday evening as planned as she was on the road trying her best to get home. She was exhausted and I did feel rather sorry for her. However, today was another matter altogether.

She delayed picking me up this morning to attend to some customers (blah, blah, blah) and then ... have lunch with the Tim at his work place. I ask you, who is more important anyway? Do you think I got any of that Chicken Panini or pasta salad? Nope! Instead my reward was a bath and a nail trim!

Now I smell like an annoypid poodle.

Thursday, May 8, 2008


Our Mistress is off to that Georgia place again.

We can't let her go without recognizing her on her special day.

For keeping us well fed ...

For letting us have treats from the table ...

For taking care of us when we don't feel well ...

For loving us more than anyone else ...

Happy Mother's Day

Sunday, May 4, 2008


Reilly is going to be in big trouble. He ate the Tim's tiramisu. I had nothing to do with it.

The Mistress was in the process of packing lunches and placed the last piece of tiramisu into a container for the Tim's lunch.

Two mistakes: 1)Leaving the top off the container. 2) Leaving the container on the counter while she disposed of the original box in the big, blue trash bin outside.

All I can say is that he ate it in one gulp and didn't even have the consideration to share!

Reilly has lately begun helping himself to the human's food, if by chance a back is turned for even a split second. Much to their repugnance, he has even been brazen enough to stick his big, fat, Retriever nose on the counter in plain sight of the Mistress and the Tim. I would never be caught in such a revolting act!

He also steals food thrown into the trash.

Recent conversation I overheard between the Tim and the Mistress:

The Mistress: "Tim, don't put those chicken bones into that trash can...Reilly will stick his fat head in there."

The Tim: "No he won't, because if he does, I'm going to stick a hammer in it."

The Mistress: "Oh...when did you decide you wanted to share a room with Michael Vick?"

This type of behavior used to seem out of character for Reilly, ever obedient that he was. Now it seems ill manners fit his character quite well. I have no ill manners to speak of.

The Tim is at a smelly cigar function, but when he gets home......I'm glad I'm not Reilly. The dumb blonde.

Hmm........ Michael Vick might get a new bitch.

(disclaimer: The Tim has never nor would ever stick a hammer into Reilly's head. He just says it occasionally.)

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Too Bad

Over a year ago, my Mistress started a project. Painting cabinets and walls, as well as re-papering the other walls in the downstairs kitchen. She somehow got distracted with other things such as performing a lobotomy on Mr. Hyde (a.k.a. the Tim). Performing the lobotomy was not unlike extracting a person's cranium from their nether region. At any rate, the project went on hold, which is somewhat typical for her. And they say I am ADHD. Geesh!

The Mistress has returned to this project and the entire surface of the pool table covered with the remaining cabinet doors. They are primed and ready to be painted, which might actually occur before she's off to Georgia again. We will see. The Tim is dubiously hopeful.

As a result of the pool table's current usage as a work table, The Larkview Center for Wellness and Pool Therapy is closed for an indefinite time period. The Tim will have to deal with it and find other means for an excuse to drink beer and smoke cigars with his buddy, Don. When these two get together, I am stuffed into my crate or shut outside.

Since, I don't care for either, I hope my Mistress takes her time. What's another year (or seven in my case) anyway?

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Foiled Again

Once again, I thought I had succeeded in persuading The Mistress in allowing me to accompany her on a trip. Destination: My condo in Athens.

Crate and food packed in the car. Check.
Leash and (ugh) muzzle. Check.

All manner of preparations were completed and then we started down the road in the direction of...........yes, that's right! %@!&#* CAMP!

My R & R foiled again. To be dumped at Camp. A travesty! All the while, that lazy Tim, lolling about the house with the lazy Retrievers. Disgusting. Why can't I stay at home? Why can't I go with The Mistress?

To answer the first question, as it has been explained to others, apparently I am not to be trusted with the local relatives of the humans living in my household. It is their job to come into the house while the Tim is at some place called Work and let the older dogs out to pee. Incontinence is a problem with Creepy and sometimes Mocha since she obtained senior status quite some time ago.

The second answer has to do with that stupid Mollie, who is still squatting in my condo. To make matters worse, I have since found out she is literally eating the condo. A piece of furniture here, a rug there. Where will it end? I may be a bad ass, but I'm not a dumbass! If Mollie isn't on a manic devouring spree, then there is the bird pooping all over the place or a mass of college students spilling liquids on my sofa and carpets!

The Mistress will return to Athens in 2 weeks to help Beth Anne prepare for Maymester in Costa Rica. She is attending an Avian Biology course there and all I can say is that it must has something to do with gourmet foods!

I guess my fate is sealed and it's off to Camp again. Sigh.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Sunday, April 13, 2008


What topics does one discuss with an internationally famous opera singer and her conductor husband? Better yet...what does one feed them? Especially when they are used to travelling the world and dining in some of the best restaurants in existence?

These are the questions my Mistress fretted about on Saturday as she prepared appetizers for the evening's casual get together with new acquaintances.

Our kitchen resembled the set of Hell's Kitchen and my Mistress morphed into something akin to a female version of Gordon Ramsey. So much so, we dogs kept our distance and rumor had it, the Tim was quite apprehensive about returning home from work.

Pots, pans, sharp instruments and a variety of ingredients were strewn about on every counter as she flew helter skelter about the kitchen, all the while condemning the entire Kroger Corporation for their suspect quality and lack of adequate variety. It was such a frightening sight, I found myself wanting to go outside!

Eventually, much to everyone's relief (canine and human alike), my Mistress went upstairs to get herself ready. As time slipped away, the Tim paced about the kitchen continually glancing at the clock but daring not to utter a word about the importance of promptness until finally she returned bearing a dissatisfied scowl. It seems her hair wasn't cooperating. (Not a problem I ever have to contend with.)

But finally after much ado, they left the house with two platters of hors d'oeuvres in hand. Which I might add, I did not get to sample.

Late into the night they returned home and it was obvious all had gone well. They had a wonderful time with a modest, unassuming couple, who certainly do not live an unassuming existence. I'm quite sure their discussions covered a variety of topics, the most of which likely were about me. After all, what could be more interesting?

The Mistress was also quite happy she didn't trip and fall over one of the two lard-assed Golden Retrievers that lay about Pam and Austin's kitchen floor. They have a knack for placing themselves directly behind an unsuspecting individual and judging from the Tim's distinct lack of equilibrium, it wouldn't have taken much to send him flying.

The following morning myself and the other canines formed our own opinions regarding the aforementioned Kroger Corporation when we were rewarded with leftover smoked salmon and prosciutto.

And unlike my Mistress, I found them to be more than adequate.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

What the Duck?

Need I say more?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Ok, this is a piglet being nursed by a Weiner dog. My Mistress thinks it's cute, but I think it is just plain weird. Some things are obviously food to me, like bacon.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Puppy Love

I know that I am guilty of making fun of humans....humans making fools of themselves and each other, stupid human tricks, human habits, human....well, you get it.

Sometimes humans do really good things. Sometimes those good things involve benefits to the animal world. Especially for dogs and cats.....well dogs, definitely. I'm not big on cats.

The Mistress and the Tim are attending the Puppy Love Ball on Saturday, April 5th. This event is a hugely popular fundraiser to raise funds for animals and also the awareness of the needs of animals.

My Mistress has always loved animals and caring for them (I wish I were the only one) and this will be a meaningful evening for her. I've heard her say on many occasions that she would prefer to spend her time around animals rather than people. Who could blame her? Certainly not I, although I'm not much on tolerating other animals or people outside my own household pack. The birds don't count as part of the pack. I just consider them to be food.