Saturday, April 26, 2008

Foiled Again

Once again, I thought I had succeeded in persuading The Mistress in allowing me to accompany her on a trip. Destination: My condo in Athens.

Crate and food packed in the car. Check.
Leash and (ugh) muzzle. Check.

All manner of preparations were completed and then we started down the road in the direction of...........yes, that's right! %@!&#* CAMP!

My R & R foiled again. To be dumped at Camp. A travesty! All the while, that lazy Tim, lolling about the house with the lazy Retrievers. Disgusting. Why can't I stay at home? Why can't I go with The Mistress?

To answer the first question, as it has been explained to others, apparently I am not to be trusted with the local relatives of the humans living in my household. It is their job to come into the house while the Tim is at some place called Work and let the older dogs out to pee. Incontinence is a problem with Creepy and sometimes Mocha since she obtained senior status quite some time ago.

The second answer has to do with that stupid Mollie, who is still squatting in my condo. To make matters worse, I have since found out she is literally eating the condo. A piece of furniture here, a rug there. Where will it end? I may be a bad ass, but I'm not a dumbass! If Mollie isn't on a manic devouring spree, then there is the bird pooping all over the place or a mass of college students spilling liquids on my sofa and carpets!

The Mistress will return to Athens in 2 weeks to help Beth Anne prepare for Maymester in Costa Rica. She is attending an Avian Biology course there and all I can say is that it must has something to do with gourmet foods!

I guess my fate is sealed and it's off to Camp again. Sigh.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Sunday, April 13, 2008


What topics does one discuss with an internationally famous opera singer and her conductor husband? Better yet...what does one feed them? Especially when they are used to travelling the world and dining in some of the best restaurants in existence?

These are the questions my Mistress fretted about on Saturday as she prepared appetizers for the evening's casual get together with new acquaintances.

Our kitchen resembled the set of Hell's Kitchen and my Mistress morphed into something akin to a female version of Gordon Ramsey. So much so, we dogs kept our distance and rumor had it, the Tim was quite apprehensive about returning home from work.

Pots, pans, sharp instruments and a variety of ingredients were strewn about on every counter as she flew helter skelter about the kitchen, all the while condemning the entire Kroger Corporation for their suspect quality and lack of adequate variety. It was such a frightening sight, I found myself wanting to go outside!

Eventually, much to everyone's relief (canine and human alike), my Mistress went upstairs to get herself ready. As time slipped away, the Tim paced about the kitchen continually glancing at the clock but daring not to utter a word about the importance of promptness until finally she returned bearing a dissatisfied scowl. It seems her hair wasn't cooperating. (Not a problem I ever have to contend with.)

But finally after much ado, they left the house with two platters of hors d'oeuvres in hand. Which I might add, I did not get to sample.

Late into the night they returned home and it was obvious all had gone well. They had a wonderful time with a modest, unassuming couple, who certainly do not live an unassuming existence. I'm quite sure their discussions covered a variety of topics, the most of which likely were about me. After all, what could be more interesting?

The Mistress was also quite happy she didn't trip and fall over one of the two lard-assed Golden Retrievers that lay about Pam and Austin's kitchen floor. They have a knack for placing themselves directly behind an unsuspecting individual and judging from the Tim's distinct lack of equilibrium, it wouldn't have taken much to send him flying.

The following morning myself and the other canines formed our own opinions regarding the aforementioned Kroger Corporation when we were rewarded with leftover smoked salmon and prosciutto.

And unlike my Mistress, I found them to be more than adequate.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

What the Duck?

Need I say more?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Ok, this is a piglet being nursed by a Weiner dog. My Mistress thinks it's cute, but I think it is just plain weird. Some things are obviously food to me, like bacon.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Puppy Love

I know that I am guilty of making fun of humans....humans making fools of themselves and each other, stupid human tricks, human habits, human....well, you get it.

Sometimes humans do really good things. Sometimes those good things involve benefits to the animal world. Especially for dogs and cats.....well dogs, definitely. I'm not big on cats.

The Mistress and the Tim are attending the Puppy Love Ball on Saturday, April 5th. This event is a hugely popular fundraiser to raise funds for animals and also the awareness of the needs of animals.

My Mistress has always loved animals and caring for them (I wish I were the only one) and this will be a meaningful evening for her. I've heard her say on many occasions that she would prefer to spend her time around animals rather than people. Who could blame her? Certainly not I, although I'm not much on tolerating other animals or people outside my own household pack. The birds don't count as part of the pack. I just consider them to be food.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Human's Day

Today is April Fool's Day. Humans equal fools. Nuff said.