Rat Sitting

It has been one week since I’ve bitten someone (other dogs included).

And until a few days ago, I was handling it fairly well. But then the Will guy un-expectantly brought his rats over to my house. The humans kept calling them “chinchilla’s” but I’m no fool. They’re rats I tell ya!

Well at first I thought, “This is great! I’ll chase the filthy rodents around a bit, toss ‘em up in the air a few times and then following the laws of nature, create a scene reminiscent of something the male human (Tim I think they call him) refers to as Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.”

But N O O O O O O !

As it turns out, they weren’t there for my amusement at all. It seems we were “rat sitting.” Can you believe it? As I said before – dumb humans.

Anyway, they put them downstairs in the basement and would not open the darn door. Even though they know all too well that I am neither tall enough to reach the knob nor do I have thumbs, opposable or otherwise.

As you might imagine, the vermin stench wafting up the stairwell, taunted me to no end. It was unbearable. At night, I’d lie in my crate and dream of creeping down the steps, sneaking over to the cage and then without warning, start barking like crazy scaring, the decon right out of ‘em!

Then in my dream, I would knock against the table, sending the cage tumbling to the floor. In the ensuing crash, the cage door would pop open and it would suddenly be “rat-o-mania!” But alas, it was only a dream and each morning I would awaken to find the downstairs door firmly closed.

Then, just as suddenly as they arrived, they were gone.

Such cruel treatment is uncalled for and is on par with other despicable human behaviors such as the “fake throw,” the “pretend treat” and the “let’s go for a nice ride in the car – to the vet’s office!”

Is it any wonder I sometimes bite?

Maybe I’ll get lucky tonight and they’ll bring a stranger home. Then I can play the old “I was only defending you,” routine after taking a well deserved chunk out of their calf.

Dumb humans. They’ll believe anything.