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6 Things

I'm supposed to do this silly tag thing the Tim sent me. Here it is. Six things I detest...I mean like:

1) The Mistress- She loves me the most. Actually, she is the only one who really loves me. She is that way.

2) Beth Anne- She almost loves me as much as the Mistress. Although, she loves that stupid Molly more.

4) Food- Dinner, breakfast, dog food, people food, bird food. It's all good.

3) Treats- Love me some treats!!! Woo Hoo! Any kind will do.

5) A warm blankie- I really like blankies and pillows. I have thin fur, unlike the Retrievers, who shed multiple lbs. of hair everyday.

6) Riding- I enjoy the car, especially when I get to scare the crap out of unsuspecting drive thru bank tellers.

7) The Tim- I'll add that in for good measure and brownie points. He might give me a Cheez-it.

I am now suppose to tag other bloggers, but I'm a dog and don't know any other bloggers. Even if I did, I wouldn't like them.

Lucky Dog

Damn! I always wanted to catch one of these!

Beth Anne sent this picture to my Mistress. The lucky dog's name is Jake and he lives in Georgia.

The retrievers living in my house could never do this! Mocha only wants to lay about on a fluffy dog bed in the Mistress' bedroom all day and could care less about squirrels. Reilly, on the other hand, has the desire, but is too stupid. The squirrels get away before he has a chance to get close enough with all the obnoxiously loud barking he does as he charges down the hill.

I am fast enough, but my problem is Reilly. He is generally outside with me, therefore, his barking makes it difficult to sneak up on a squirrel.

Que sera.

This and That

I've had virtually no computer time of late as many events have happened around here and time has escaped me.

In October, the humans made a complete fool of my buddy Reilly by dressing him in a ridiculous costume and parading him through the downtown streets. If this wasn't enough, they allowed evidence of this mockery to be recorded in the local newspaper. To their credit however, they did so in order to raise funds for the Roanoke Valley SPCA.

I'm just glad it wasn't me. For if it had been, someone would have surely been bitten!


































The latter part of month saw the Mistress dumping me off at camp and yet again driving to Georgia, where she remained for several days. Returning in time to vote, she and the Tim seemed genuinely pleased with the results of the election. I on the other hand saw some redeeming qualities in the other party's candidates ... primarily Moose Chili. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Of late, the internet connection and home networking system has made the Mistress very cranky. The humans switched their ISP and havoc has reigned ever since. The Tim refuses to get involved in the seemingly futile pursuit of a resolution, which only leaves the Mistress to deal with the NOT-so-helpful-out-sourced "tech support" personnel. On those rare occasions when she is actually able to speak to a live person, she ends up hanging up the phone and muttering something unprintable about aliens.

Since the Tim has been all but invisible lately due to his job taking on the characteristics of a Soviet Gulag, his frustration level with this current electronic malady has been minimal. This is largely due to the fact he still has access to the internet on the Mistress' computer when he makes an occassional appearance at home.

Thanksgiving is around the corner and no doubt I am sure to be carted away to my home away from home. All the while that dumb Molly will be stinking up my place. Hopefully, the Mistress will save me some turkey and maybe Beth Anne will visit me at camp ... or not.

And speaking of birds, soon after Sugar passed away, one of the birds croaked! Not that I care. The Tim, Reilly, and I hate 'em!
Pets are dropping like flies around this place. Creepy!

As I said before, c'est la vie.

Better Future, Better World

The Mistress of the house is walking on air.

Wear Pink

G.G. had surgery yesterday. She is doing well.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Godspeed, Morgan

Uncle Morgan has left for Iraq via Kuwait.
We all will miss him.

Uga VII !

The almost 3 year old "Loran's Best" made his debut at the opening game of the season on Saturday. Looks like a "Damn Good Dog"!

Sugar Over The Years

Sugar Is Gone...

They took her away...


she did not come back...


they were sad...


somehow I knew...


she had returned to her youth...


her eyesight restored...


now chasing squirrels and birds...


maybe an occasional jogger...


forever a mischievous little dog...


knocking over trashcans...


stealing food...


or another little girl's favorite stuffed animal...


Sugar is gone...


never to return.

Exactly What Are Her Priorities?

It takes a looooong time to string a 36" strand of opera length Akoya pearls.

I ought to know. I, along with the Retrievers and Creepy, had to wait an unacceptable amount of time just to get our breakfast!

Some "rush" job for a local jewelry store took precedence over our stomachs.

I tried to feed myself, but was too short to reach the treat jar. Not to mention (again) the apparent lack of opposable thumbs.





















Even Max was squawking and banging a tiny tin cup against the bars of his cage!

That's the thing about Humans...always caught up with trivial and material things, such as crap from an oyster! Geesh! We dogs would not be caught dead with such useless adornment (unless you are unfortunate enough to belong to Paris or Britney)!

A good roll in some carrion or poop is all any respectable dog needs!

Run Zoe Run

Other Orts

So it seems Stupid Mollie is surviving her razor situation. Things are starting to "appear". Must be the bran.

Reilly and Mocha stink and need a bath. My Mistress is hoping the Tim will do this task over the weekend, since she has taken on the job of painting shutters. She is painting them because the Tim has issues with ladders. I should not mention the time he got stuck on the garage roof but, I will.

Uncle Morgan gave the Mistress an idea to keep Creepy's crate door open and it works very well. Now when she is blindly bumping into things, she can't bang her door shut. Poor Creepy. Her days are numbered...after all, she's about 125 in human years!

"Molly" by Zoe

Whatcha Gonna Do Now, Thunder?

Molly has got to be the dumbest dog in the world...next to Reilly (the only Retriever in the world who cannot catch). This morning she ate a razor or at least part of a razor...the part with the blades in it!

Now she is spending her time being prudently watched and fed bran in hopes that she passes the razor with no damage to her insides.

She was xrayed at Shoal Creek Animal Clinic (where Beth Anne works) and suspicious shapes and shadows not normally seen in a dog's digestive track were found. I sincerely hope (and as hateful as I am, I do mean this) she does not have to have emergency surgery.

The Doctors should have xrayed her brain.

They most likely would have discovered it to be the size of pea and her IQ to be on the level of an ordinary earthworm!

Poor dumb Molly!

Birthday Dessert

Birthdays around here are rarely celebrated with traditional birthday cakes. The Tim and Beth Anne both are partial to cheesecakes and/or Tiramisu. And sometimes they get both! Us dogs get homemade dog treats with cheese and tuna for our birthdays. Yum! The Tim doesn't like the smell of those, but then he doesn't appreciate other odors that I find quite appealing.

Thursday was The Tim's birthday and since he and The Mistress were going out to celebrate with other humans (people they refer to as their Wine-Dinner Club), The Mistress delayed making the desserts until today so they could be enjoyed at this evening's cookout. A cookout at Pam and Austin's, which I might add, I do not get to attend. They have two lard-assed Golden Retrievers and do not invite other dogs. (If they didn't have dogs, I don't think Austin would invite me because of that over blown biting incident a couple of years ago.)

The first dessert she made, a favorite here, is a Key Lime Cheesecake with Strawberry Sauce. The Tim was not around to see, so I got to lick the spatula! Then she fixed the Tiramisu, which in Italian means "pick me up" or loosely translated as "make me less sad/happier". Yeah, I'll say it makes him happy. I will never get a bite because The Tim will hunker down over his plate, moaning and groaning in a disgusting display of gluttony sucking up every last bit like a turbo-powered Hoover!

And they call me the beast!

Happy Birthday to Tim!

Happy Birthday Tim!

With Love, Hugs, Kisses, & Licks from

Beth, Beth Anne, and the zoo:

Mocha, Reilly, Zoe, Sugar, Molly, and all the Birds!

RIP Uga

Uga V's Whatchagot Loran, better known to the world as Uga VI, was laid to rest today at 3 p.m. in Sanford Stadium.

Like his five predecessors, all pure white bulldogs, Uga VI will be interred in the specially-built marble vault built just inside the South main gate of the stadium. UGA is the only school that buries its mascots within the confines of their stadium.

The identity of the dog that shall become Uga VII remains a closely guarded secret.

They should consider a female, German Pinscher for the next mascot. Like me!

In Memory of a Damn Good Dog

Uga VI, who has served as the University of Georgia mascot since 1999, died Friday night from heart failure.

Our condolences to the Seiler family and the entire Bulldog Nation.

Life Is Good

Anniversaries are some human thing I don't understand. What I do understand is the "doggy bag" from The Library has some yummy leftovers in it for me .... and (if I have to share) those other mutts living here as well. They brought home a bottle of bubbly stuff too, but it's not to be consumed by canines.